Bittersweet Birthday

This post was made 10/24/14

I miss writing so much. I need to make blog posts more often.

Yesterday was my 14th birthday (10/23/14). It was a very bittersweet day. It was great but also very depressing. Why on earth is any birthday depressing, you ask? Last year, on October 23, 2013, my 13th birthday, my grandfather died a few hours before I was born, on October 23, 2000.

Not a pleasant thought.

I don't understand why it upsets me. It almost makes me angry, in a way. I don't want to sound like a total selfish jerk, but I feel angry at my grandfather for dying on that day. Seriously. I cringed just writing that sentence, but it's the truth. Many people keep on saying that it was him sending me a message that he loves me, but seriously? Someone purposefully dying on a persons birthday as an act of love? Makes no sense to me. If you are going to die, die on the day when you feel like it, not on your granddaughters birthday.

He probably didn't purposefully die on my birthday, but that's just how it feels. Out of all days, you choose that one. So yeah, last years birthday utterly sucked. My whole entire family was crying on my birthday, trying not to cry in my presence so I wouldn't feel hurt that all we were doing was mourning rather than celebrating. The best feeling I got on that birthday was when I finally got to collapse into my bed and become completely oblivious to the outside world and everything in it, especially my grandfathers death.

So of course, this year, my mom was crying on my birthday. I don't want her to bottle it up, but then why didn't she cry the days before? I feel awful for sounding like a selfish child, but I cannot help feeling this way.

Hopefully next years birthday is better.

Love you all,
Bojo